Party Time…
I spent a record time of 1 hour at a party…a record because I always stay later at a party than I plan too.
It seems that in our “old” age, Christian and I have become very anti-social. So Anti-social in fact that we had to have a talk about “friends” on the way home.
This party was fine enough, but mostly we spent the time talking to this nice but extremely annoying girl who kept going on about why she doesn’t understand why people don’t like her…meanwhile asking if my neighbors are mexican and hating the mormons for talking to her. Christian cleverly tried to position me between them, but I went to the bathroom and ended up flrting with a very nice guy.
However, we only stayed an hour. On the way home Christian admitted he hated most people. I think most of this is due to the fact that he is afraid he offends everyone. Not everyone gets his sense of humor, my self included at times, but people have been put off to him. And he has complex social rules of human touch that are ever changing. He will hug these people…but the other people better not touch him. He does it anyway in a very uncomfortable embrace of mostly forced feeling and a little bit of wanting to understand why people like to force intimacy.
I find observing this to be very interesting. Most people wouldn’t guess that is what goes through his head and those would feel this is “too personal” wouldn’t guess that he actually likes the physical contact. He’s confusing at times, but the talk made us realize that we are not above people…but our interests in the type of people we hang out with have changed.
We no longer like the single gay guy whose every word is about not wanting to be alone. We don’t mind if they talk to us about that…but when that becomes their entire life…we realize they are boring and mundane. This will be their life mission and once they have completed it…we serve no further purpose in their life.
Case in point our roomy. He will never admit this is exactly what his mission in life is. So when he met his boyfriend (or now the downgraded form of that)…he no longer needed us, the internet or the club. It was just the guy…and only the guy.
And now that that is slowly fading a way and he is confused on what to do about that situation and his new feelings for a new adult man who has direction in life and doesn’t appear to want to use him for a place to live or money…he needs us again. This would be offensive if it were not expected. I think that is why I no longer get angry at it…I laugh a little and then sigh. I surround myself with this type so I am the one to blame.
If I had lived with my roomy before we were friends…I would have never been friends with him and that is rough to say.
This isn’t to say that we don’t like single gay men. They are great if they can talka bout MORE than a boyfriend. If their mission in life is not to be find “the one” and to end their horrific lonliness. Lonliness is not ended by a boyfriend, husband or dog. It continues as it is life…sometimes you’re lonely and sometimes…you’re not. It’s waning and comes and goes.
What the fuck am I writing? Oh right…from my mind.
I think we desire people who don’t always need to get drunk (though getting drunk isn’t bad) or go to clubs or have a purpose for hanging out. Why can’t people go for a hike, sit on a deck and just talk over some beers (or lemonade for me).
I have ranted about my lonliiness and need for friends for so long…but tonight I saw (even if he doesn’t want to admit it) a glimmer of lonliness in Christian. Maybe he wanted me more…to be alone with me. Or maybe…he just wanted someone to call him a friend..besides me.
It was very thought provoking. The best part of the night was at the end…where I was watching TV..and Christian fell asleep with his head on a pillow in my lap. I smiled at him and put my hand on his head and stroked it. How can anyone hate him?
He aggrevates me…but I love him more than anyone and anything….but I don’t know why people would hate him. I really do hate a majority of the human race…more than he does…to the point that I tell them so a lot. But, I couldn’t hate him…so obvioulsy…those that hate him are just stupid…ignorant simps who should shut their damn mouths and realize they…they have issues. Not him.
